Out of the Ashes
by OhhMockingjayyy
Summary: This is just my interpretation of Peeta and Katniss's story after Mockingjay. Pre and Post Epilogue included. Multiple POV's. Some of the ideas and themes are based around my role play account on Twitter. Rated T for now but may change later. Oh and PLEASE review! Thanks for reading!
1. Chapter 1

[A/N: All the characters belong to Suzanne Collins. This is just my interpretation of Peeta and Katniss's story after Mockingjay. Pre and Post Epilogue included. Multiple POV's. Some of the ideas and themes are based around my role play account on Twitter. Oh and PLEASE review! Thanks for reading!]

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

_A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

_And when again they open, the sun will rise._

_Here it's safe, here it's warm_

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

_Here is the place where I love you._

Peeta's lips curled into a smile as he took her hand, pushing the dark wisp of hair behind her ear.

"Daddy," she smiled up at him with her big blue eyes. "Dance with me?"

"Okay," he agreed as she placed her feet atop of his and he danced her in a circle as I sang for a few more minutes before the light drops of rain began to fall from the sky. I scooped our beautiful blonde boy up in my arms and he giggled before I kissed his nose.

Peeta walked over, wrapping his arms around us for a moment with a soft smile. He took a moment to place a gentle kiss on my forehead before he gathered our basket and gave our little girl the blanket. He reached down taking her hand as we left the meadow, heading towards our home in Victor's Village.

/

It was a chilly day in District Twelve, the breeze blew the wavy blonde locks off my forehead as I stepped off the Capitol train, my bag slung over my shoulder and a pencil behind my ear. My fingers curled around my sketchbook, I had needed something to pass the time on the train ride. I had to keep my hands busy so I didn't think too much about where I was returning.

I had only made it a few steps when I saw Haymitch, retrieving a large box of what appeared to be white liquor before he looked up at me with wide eyes.

"Well, look who finally decided to come home. Just couldn't stay away, could you boy?"

Haymitch smirked a little as he said it, hoisting up the box onto his shoulder before walking away from the train towards me.

"Someone has to look out for Katniss now." My eyes strayed to look at the box over his shoulder for a moment before flickering back to meet Haymitch's. "Have you even stayed sober enough to check on her at all since you've been back?" I huffed.

"Listen here boy, I did everything I could to get the charges against her dropped. I kept her safe and helped get her home and out of that mess that she got herself into with Coin, so don't go accusing me of stuff."

His voice was rigid, I knew he cared about Katniss but I also knew he preferred to retreat into a drunken stupor when things got tough. It hadn't been that long ago when Mrs. Everdeen had called me, asking me to check on Katniss, proclaiming that I was the only one who could help her now. I had to politely hang up the phone that day but it only confirmed my desire to come back to Twelve. I had to try and set things right with Katniss. More importantly I needed to make sure she was okay, I still had nightmares about losing her and I wondered if I really had lost her this time.

Haymitch and I walked quietly toward Victor's Village after our confrontation, neither of us wanting to break the silence. The pale light was fading and I knew the sun would be setting soon on District Twelve but I had one stop I had to make before continuing towards my empty home. The bakery.

I hadn't stepped foot in District Twelve since I left before the Quarter Quell. I had numerous reasons for that and for coming back now, though I had seen it on television once or twice. Once my feet found the hard paving stones of the square though I could see it. I found myself dropping my bag, my sketchbook and crunching over glass and ash as I stepped inside what had been my families bakery. It was reduced to a charred lump of an oven, melted down until it was almost unrecognizable.

Haymitch had stopped and put down his box as he saw me pace across the square towards the remnants of my family's livelihood. I ran my fingers over the cool metal lump, looking around for a moment and then closing my eyes. I could still see it in my mind, exactly as it was. I could even smell the bread cooking and then I choked back a sob as I opened my eyes to see all that remained. Somewhere in between all of it Haymitch had made his way over to me and I felt his hand brush my shoulder.

"Come on kid, I'll help you get settled in."


	2. Chapter 2

I tossed and turned all night. My house in Victor's Village was so quiet that I considered padding over to Haymitch's and crashing on his couch, I was _that_ lonely. Instead I found myself laying on my side, staring out the open window wondering what Katniss was doing, how she had been, if she would want to see me.

I had spent the last few months in the Capitol under Dr Aurelius's care and I had been staying with Delly. Delly was the one person that I'd learned to trust again since my "condition" came about. Some days I felt like myself and on my bad days I didn't know what I felt it was all so fleeting. Anger, betrayal, sadness, rage, grief. I hadn't had a bad episode in a few months but I was warned that coming back to District Twelve could cause set backs and I was to report to Dr Aurelius on a daily basis, as well as continue taking the pills that I was reluctantly swallowing daily.

I had watched the trial of Katniss Everdeen any time I could during my recovery in the Capitol. I hated every minute of it but it was the only way I was allowed to see her anymore. I was terrified that I'd come back to Twelve only to find that she'd taken her own life the way that she had tried to do that day in the Capitol, the day she landed an arrow in Alma Coin's heart. Coin was the former President of District Thirteen and briefly all of Panem.

Closing my eyes for a moment I could still see Katniss turn, training the arrow on Coin instead of President Snow. I could see Coin's lifeless body topple over the balcony as the guards converged around Katniss. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest as stumbled over chairs and people just to stop her. We'd been through so much together, even though some of it was still a vague memory to me now. I remembered what she had told me, "_That's what you and I do. Protect each other." _And all I could think about in that moment was protecting her, even if it meant protecting her from herself.

It was sometime after four in the morning when I had thrown off the covers and tugged on a t-shirt and jeans. Sleep was unforeseeable especially when I was so anxious to see Katniss. I closed the window before heading downstairs. The sound of my unnatural footsteps filled the silence around me as my prosthetic thudded on each wooden step. I needed fresh air so I pulled on my coat and headed out the back door for a walk.

I could see the flicker of light from Katniss's window but Haymitch's was completely dark. Probably too drunk to feel the cold, I decided as I made my way closer to the edge of the woods. That's when I spotted them, the scraggly bushes that Primrose Everdeen had been named after, Evening Primroses. I walked over to them, my eyes examining them carefully when it dawned on me that I could plant these in her memory for Katniss.

Prim's death was not something I would ever forget. Tentatively I ran my fingers over the scar above my eyes, the hair had grown back in nicely but the scar remained. For a moment I leaned against a tall pine, fighting the stabbing pain in my chest that surfaced along with the memories of the explosions, the sounds of the children screaming and what happened next.

My fingers gripped the bark tracing lines over the texture of the wood as I tried to focus on reality. I wished that those memories weren't real, that perhaps they were some falsification put in my head by the Capitol but Prim's death happened after the hijacking. I knew it _was_ real, every part of that memory was real and I knew that as bad as it hurt me, it must be hurting Katniss infinitely more.

The next hour I spent digging up the scraggly bushes and carrying them up to Katniss's home one by one. As the sun appeared, I took a moment to sit down on her front steps and watch the light break through the clouds sending an array of colors across the sky. Katniss had been right when she said my favorite color was orange like the sunset. The same orange was displayed in the sky now and it was magnificent.

I picked up my shovel and began digging again under the pale morning light. I had just finished planting the first two bushes when I heard the noise from the front of the house and I stopped digging. I stood there a moment leaning against the shovel in my grip when she appears, running around the side of the house and then stopping abruptly as our eyes meet. I'd spent all night anxious to see her but I'm rendered speechless as I take in the sight of her.

"You're back," Katniss says looking startled.

"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," I say. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."

I'm looking her over now, her dark locks matted as she attempts to push them out of her face. Immediately I'm upset with Haymitch. I'll have to make sure and thank him for keeping her alive, it was the least he could do. I've never seen Katniss this thin, not even the day I took a beating with a rolling pin for burning the bread.

I'm unable to hide the frown that has crept across my face now as I stand up straighter, fighting the urge to walk over and pull her into my arms. I can see by the look on her face though that she's not eager for my affection.

"What are you doing?" She says.

"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her. I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."

For a moment I'm certain she's angry with me, I can see her mouth open as if she wants to yell but then she closes it again before simply nodding. She then turns disappearing around the side of the house just as quickly as she appeared. I stand there for a few moments, still processing what just happened as I catch my breath. I begin digging again recalling every detail of the young woman who just fled from my view but determined to finish my task. Somehow I feel like I've failed her, she looks so broken and frail but I remind myself again that we're both alive against all the odds.

As I pat down the earth around the last rose bush I try to take comfort in the fact that things will be different now. I just hope I can make Katniss see that too.

[A/N: Thank you all for reading, I'll try to keep this updated often. Most of the dialog for this chapter is directly quotation from Mockingjay, so all the credit goes to Suzanne Collins. Please continue to review! I really appreciate all the feedback and encouragement!]


	3. Chapter 3

[A/N: So I've learned from my few reviewers that you aren't crazy about flash forwards, that it's confusing. So I feel the necessity to do another, I'll integrate it in a less confusing manner. My apologies. I removed the previous flash forward from this story and posted it as a one shot if you're interested in reading it. As always thank you so much for reading and please, PLEASE review so I can improve!]

The pale light was breaking through the blinds of the window when I opened my eyes. The crisp morning air was seeping in, filling my lungs. I laid there staring at the ceiling trying to untangle the intricate web my dreams spun in my mind.

When sleep did come, I still woke up paralyzed in fear sometimes. I had gotten used to the hollowness that filled me when Katniss was never beside me though. My nightmares could be her killing me ten different ways but when I woke up and my arms were empty, it was the same longing feeling that washed through me day after day.

Slowly I sat up, wiping the sleep from my eyes before I threw back the covers. I secured the prosthetic onto my thigh and stood up slowly, stretching for a moment. Being that I was the baker's son, getting up early was natural to me. I could remember my father being up for hours before I left for school. Fortunately, my memories of my family had been left mostly untouched by the Capitol. Lately, I had thought a lot about them. I had even decided over the last week that I wanted to rebuild the bakery and continue my family's business. Until I could do that though, I was baking bread every morning in my own kitchen.

A day after I planted the primroses Greasy Sae had invited me over for breakfast with her and Katniss. She had requested that I bring bread so I had gathered up all the ingredients left in the cabinets of the abandoned house and managed to bake five loaves of bread. I split them between Katniss, Haymitch, and Sae, keeping one loaf for myself. Breakfast that morning had been quiet except for the mewing of Buttercup as he swished his tail against my leg. Katniss slipped him every bite of her bacon. She had barely spared me a glance but I couldn't keep myself from looking at her. Her hair was washed and braided, her face was thin, her fragility so obvious. The light pink scars peeked out from the collar of her shirt. Her eyes were slightly blood-shot but I couldn't bring myself to ask why, mostly for fear I already knew the answer. Before I left, I thanked Sae for the eggs and bacon and as I made my way out the door she invited me back again the next day. Each morning for the next two weeks I had gotten up, baked bread, and then made my way over to Katniss's home for breakfast.

I had avoided going to town, especially after Haymitch had to drag me out of the remains of my family's bakery the day I arrived, but I needed flour, butter and a few other supplies. Effie told me before I left the Capitol that I could call her if I needed anything. By now I had compiled a list of things I needed. Effie seemed so excited to hear that I was doing well. She wanted to know how Haymitch was doing, she reminded me of his upcoming birthday. She also asked about Katniss. _Had we talked? How was she recovering?_ We chatted for a few more minutes about the both of them. Once the conversation grew dull she said she'd have everything to me by the end of the week.

I'd waited as long as I could, the train would be coming this morning. I got dressed and made my way downstairs. Once I made it outside I found it was a beautiful Spring day. The sun was already bright and warming my skin as I made way out of Victor's Village and towards town. I could see the train coming into the station now as my feet found the paving stones of the square and I wasn't all that surprised when I saw Haymitch looming after a crate of liquor and something else.

When I got closer I could see it wiggling, feathers flying before I heard the squawking.

"Is that a.."

"A goose." He said, finishing my question with a grin. "Yeah, I'm going to cook 'em. Plus, maybe he'll keep you kids away..."

"No, the stench does that." I retort with a smile.

He shakes his head and flashes me a grin, running a hand through his hair. I just nod and walk over to survey the things being unloaded until I find the box of stuff from Effie and then two more boxes and bags of flour. I should have brought the wheel-barrow I decide with a frown but just as I turn away to make the hike back to my house for it Thom pulls up in his truck.

District Twelve has few inhabitants, Thom and his crew have been doing clean-up around, though I'm not sure what exactly and I haven't really seen him since before the Quell. It feels like forever-ago.

"Need a hand?" He asks.

I'm hesitant, Thom was one of Gale's crewmates, never really a friend of mine but I guess if he's offering I can't see a reason to refuse.

"Sure. If it's not too much trouble, of course."

"None at all. The least I could do actually." Thom nods.

I don't say much but I start carrying my things into the back of his truck and he gets out coming around to help. He even loads up Haymitch's liquor and the goose, who honks and squawks the entire trip to Victor's Village.

On the way there I find myself squeezed between he and Haymitch, it makes for quite the awkward ride so I try to find something, anything to talk about.

"How the clean-up going?" I ask Thom, sounding a little too cheerful.

"Well, I was actually wanting to talk to you, Peeta. It's going all right, I guess. Damn depressing, really. I've been meaning to ask you about the bakery. Seeing as that was your folks and all..." He trailed off, getting at something but I wasn't quite picking up what he was putting down.

Thom pulled mid-way between my house and Haymitch's and turned the truck off before peering over at me. I nudged Haymitch to get out and he pushed open the door of the truck, freeing me from the confines of the middle seat.

"What about it?" I asked, trying to put the pieces together.

"Well, we've been clearing out the land to rebuild and in the process we've ended up digging up a lot of bodies." Thom spoke up.

His voice was calm, cautious, like he was afraid the wrong words might send me into a spiral. Maybe he was smart in that aspect. I really wasn't sure what all I could handle at this point. I was just pleased I hadn't had a full-blown episode since I'd been back to Twelve. Haymitch's voice came from behind the truck, as if to fill in the blanks for me.

"Do you want him to clear off the land? He might find your folks, you know..."

_My folks. My folks._ My anger must have registered with Thom before I hopped out, facing Haymitch as he unloaded the crate of liquor in his arms.

"There not just _folks_ Haymitch, they're my family. Rye and my mother and—and.."

I couldn't even continue before the warmth was pricking at my eyes and I leaned against the truck before my knees completely buckled. I blinked back the tears, pulling myself together for a moment and then looking up at Thom.

"Yeah. If you find them... please let me know before you bury them."

My voice came out even, calmer than I expected but I gathered my things and carried them into the house quickly. I need to be alone for a bit, bake or paint or something. However, as the front door closed and Thom's truck cranked up, pittering away, I'd never wished I was less alone in my entire life.

[A/N: Short chapter, next one will be longer and will offer some Katniss/Peeta interaction. Please review! Thanks for reading!]


	4. Chapter 4

[A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know what you think about my shot at Katniss's POV – As always thank Suzanne Collins for her characters.]

––_KATNISS––_

It had been a cool morning. I had made it to the woods just as the sun came up, and though I had my bow and arrows with me, I had resorted to climbing a tree and just letting the woods calm me like they always did. It took every bit of energy I had anymore just to make it to the woods. The first day I would not have made it home if not for Thom and his truck.

I wrapped my fingers around the flask in my hand, letting it warm me for a while until I finished the tea and slid it back into my bag. I could hear the sounds of a train in the distance and I watched as two deer scampered off from the trees. If I had actually been paying attention then I could have gotten my first deer of the season but I wasn't. I was too busy thinking about _him_.

Peeta had been back all of two weeks now. He showed up every morning, a loaf of bread under his arm. We sat around the table for breakfast, usually silently. I hated the way he looked at me, a hint of worry always on his face. His blue eyes would meet mine and then stray back to the dishes on the table. I couldn't imagine exactly how many days we were going to avoid talking about _it_, _everything_.

I don't know why he even came back. He could have just left me here to waste away. He doesn't owe me anything now. He deserves a life; he deserves to be happy now. Me on the other hand, I wish I would have just eaten the nightlock tablet that day in the Capitol. Death would have been easy, peaceful. Living, well that's the real torture. I guess I deserve this.

I can hear the train whistle in the distance and it pulls me from my thoughts. I shimmy down from the tree and stretch as I hit the ground below. My joints ache a bit, my right leg is asleep, and I have to pace for a few moments to get the feeling back. I check my snares before I make my way back home. I find a few rabbits and a handful of squirrels and I tie them all to my belt. Pacing through the woods I find myself stepping over the remains of the fence that used to encircle District Twelve and I bend down for a moment, letting my fingers run over the wire as I watch the men in the meadow digging and shuffling dirt for the mass grave site. It makes me sick to my stomach and I find myself retching into the grass nearby as I recall the nightmare I have every so often. I swear I'm vomiting up ashes for a moment but when I look down there's absolutely nothing. My stomach is almost completely empty aside from the tea I drank a few hours ago.

I take a moment to pull myself together before I start walking towards the square. I try not to look around as I walk over the paving stones but as I make my way up towards Victor's Village I notice Thom's truck driving up the road. He stops the truck a few feet short of me and pokes his head out the window.

"Need a lift?"

"No thanks." I shake my head and keep walking, trying not to think about all the bodies that have been in that truck, all those people that died because of me, for some ridiculous war. My weak stomach churns again and I close my eyes pleading with my body. Apparently, Thom's not feeling persistent today because I hear the engine rev a bit and pitter away.

Once I make it up to Peeta's house the door is closed, the blinds shut and I can't help but wonder if he's laying helplessly inside the doors, fighting for his sanity. Part of me wants to go knock but the other part of me prevails when I hear the incessant squawking noises coming from Haymitch's yard. I look up to see him chasing a bird around the front yard. It's so ridiculous a sight that I burst into laughter. He's spewing profanity and tripping over his own feet as the bird flaps and evades him. Apparently my laughter has gotten a bit out of control because he finally gives up when he sees me.

I prepare myself for some off-hand comment or his usual snark but instead he just stops and stares at me with this goofy looking grin spread across his face.

"Glad I could entertain you, Sweetheart. I gotta admit, it's good to see you smile."

I just shake my head at him.

"What are you going to do with that goose, Haymitch? Besides, chase it I mean... I think it was winning."

"I was going to cook it, but I think Lucy here has other plans."

"I'd say so. I was just going to make some rabbit stew for dinner." I say, looking down at the two on my belt. "Save Lucy for another night." I smile without really thinking about it, I'm still thinking over how red his face is and how ridiculous he looked.

Haymitch nods, waving a dismissive hand at me before he goes back inside and I let out another slight laugh. All my laughter dissipates when I step inside the lonely house, though. I hate it here, so quiet all the time. Buttercup comes up as I unload my kills from my belt and his tails swooshes around my feet.

I spend most of the afternoon skinning squirrels and rabbits before preparing the rabbit stew the way my mother had shown me. After it's done I make myself go upstairs and take a shower, scrubbing off the scent of pine and dirt. When I'm done, I braid my short hair down to my shoulder, studying myself in the mirror for a few moments. The pink skin's everywhere, constant reminders that she's gone. It's not like I need any more reminders though. I see her in this house all the time. She lingers in the corners, looms in the doorways, watching me. When I look up into the mirror I'm afraid she'll be standing behind me, staring at me.

J_ust stop_, I tell myself but tears insist on slipping down my cheeks and I wipe them away quickly. I'm surprised I have any left at all after the phone call with my mother after Buttercup showed up. We didn't even have to talk about it, I was glad actually just to sit on the phone with her just knowing she was on the other end. It's not like having her here with me, though, and part of that leaves a bitter, sinking feeling in my stomach. I don't know if I'd have chosen to come back either, though.

It takes a few minutes, for me to fight the urge to just get in bed and pull the covers up over me. Instead I go back downstairs and get together the stew to take to Haymitch. He will come looking for me if I don't, or he may even send Peeta over. The latter doesn't sound so bad really, but I don't know how trustworthy Peeta is yet.

He doesn't seem quite like the Peeta that I found by the river; he's not a scared boy fighting for his life—my life. He's also not the tormented, broken mutt that tried to kill me in Thirteen either. I'm not sure who this version of Peeta is, or what _we_ are. I also don't know how long I can avoid finding out. Part of me longs for him, the way his skin smells of dill and cinnamon. The way his blue eyes match the sky and more than anything the way that his arms wrapped around me and made me feel so safe.

Does that Peeta even exist anymore? I got glimpses of him in the Capitol. His exchange with Pollux, always knowing the right things to say, always encouraging, sometimes funny, and not at anyone's expense.

Johanna's voice echoes in my head.

_There's no going back. So we might as well get on with things._

I'm realizing how much I miss her when I hear a knock at the door. Great, Haymitch has come looking for me already. I hurry down the stairs to the door and swing it open but it's not Haymitch.

"Hey." Peeta's standing there, his eyes trained on me with a basket of cheese buns in his hand. "I got supplies today and I made these for you. They're your favorite, real or not real?"

I can feel my mouth gaping open and as soon as I realize it I press my lips together firmly before I realize he's waiting on an answer. "Real." I say before I push the hair out of my face and step back allowing him enough room to come inside.

Suddenly it occurs to me this is already more conversation than we've had in two weeks and now I'm here, alone, with Peeta. His eyes have lost that clouded tortured look though, and he seems stable enough.

"Thank you." I say, taking the basket as he slowly steps inside. His blonde curls are a bit messy, I think I even see some flour in his hair and I feel a smile ghost my lips.

"You're welcome." His eyes fall on the stack of letters in the floor of the living room and his eyebrows knit in confusion. "You haven't read your mail?"

I shake my head and it exhausts me to even look at the pile of paper on the floor.

"I'll help you." Peeta suggests.

I try to think of some other idea, an excuse, anything but I come up short. Soon, I'm sitting in the floor sorting through the envelopes with Peeta. There's a pile for different people and little clumps of envelopes all over the living room.

Peeta gets up and adds another log to the fire and stands there stoking it until it sparks again to life. He walks over picking up a pile that all came from the Capitol and when it catches the light from the fire I can see it's his handwriting.

"What are you doing?" I ask quietly.

I can barely see the crimson blush spread across his cheekbones. "You don't have to read these." It was part of my therapy.

For some reason, those letters just became the most intriguing mail in the whole room and a wave of guilt washes over me. "Please?"

He puts his stack down but hands me a different stack. "These are from Annie."

I read through at least a dozen letters and Peeta makes himself comfortable on the couch. At some point I doze off and when I wake up Peeta's gathered me into his arms. I realize by the way he's moving that he's carrying me up the stairs. I try to open my eyes or object but being in his arms feels so impossibly good that I simply give up. I'm so exhausted from the day and even when he tucks me in I can't seem to pull my eyes open. After a moment, I hear the door creak closed and I'm alone in the dark again with my nightmares.


End file.
